The MezzaDigesta Volume 39
January 31st, 2020: Kobe // Aussie Open 2020
I hated Kobe Bryant.
Well, as my parents always told me growing up, “hate” is a really strong word, and it takes too much energy to hate something or someone. But I strongly, strongly disliked Kobe Bryant. And as a youthful, passionate sports fan whose emotions were not easily held in check, that strong dislike typically felt a lot like hate.
You see, I grew up as a diehard Clipper fan deep in the heart of Lakerland. It’s a simple statement, and it was brutal to admit growing up, yet it’s undeniable - L.A. is Laker territory. It has been since the team moved there from Minnesota, and it always will be.
Growing up in L.A. meant the Lakers on the front page of the sports section every day during basketball season (the Clips were usually relegated to page 6). It meant cars flying Laker flags every April-June when the playoffs came around. It meant my classmates wearing Kobe and Shaq jerseys when we were allowed to wear sports gear to school. It meant kids laughing that my rec center’s basketball teams were named the Junior Clippers - the least cool possible team to be named after. It meant people only buying tickets to Clipper games to score cheap tickets or to see the visiting team’s players.
I detested all of this. I couldn’t stand the arrogance of the Laker organization and how their fans acted as if they deserved the good things that happened to them. I despised the ‘Hollywood’ vibe of the team - oh, Jack Nicholson sits courtside every game? Tight. I couldn’t imagine paying upwards of $200 to see my team play from the nosebleeds. I couldn’t get over how they seemed to fall face first into great players, year after year.
Was part of this anger and frustration due to jealousy? For sure. But I also legitimately disliked the team and the organization. And given that he was the poster boy of the Lakers for the majority of my life, I very much disliked Kobe Bryant.
I disliked the way he bit on his jersey throughout a game. I disliked his routine of wiping his hands on his jersey when he stepped up to the free throw line. I disliked it when he changed his jersey number from #8 to #24 - “Clear money grab for more jersey sales,” I said. I rooted blindly for his opponents - Doug Christie on the Kings, Ruben Patterson on the Blazers, Paul Pierce on the Celtics, Bruce Bowen on the Spurs - to lock him up. When Kobe and Shaq had their infamous feuds, I quickly rushed to take Shaq’s side.
One memory in particular stands out - when he almost joined the Clippers in the summer of 2004. He was locked in a vicious contract dispute with Lakers brass, and he threatened to leave the team and walk across the Staples Center halls to join the Lakers’ inept little brothers. Looking back on that situation, we were totally being used. It was classic - the Clippers seemed so close to a franchise-altering moment, yet it was never going to happen. I can’t fault Kobe at all for using his leverage appropriately and getting what he wanted out of the Lakers. But it hurt quite a bit to feel like he was using my team as a pawn. The Lakers returned back to the NBA Finals in 2008, before winning back to back championships in 2009 and 2010. The Clippers have never advanced past the second round.
As Kobe’s career wound down, I came to grudgingly respect the man. I like to think that this change in my outlook was due exclusively to me getting older and more mature. In reality, it had as much to do with him getting older and less effective as a player, and with the Lakers actually starting to suck for the first extended period of my life.
In the years since he retired, I even think I’ve started to like Kobe a little bit. I saw the way he championed women’s basketball and tried to get it more respect and attention. I saw tender moments like him coaching his young daughter Gianna at an NBA game and spending a lot of time with his family. I respected the way he continued to work on things like his short films and foundation. I respected his drive.
And you know, I think that’s what it boils down to. I always respected the hell out of Kobe’s drive for greatness. I rooted for him to lose while knowing that he would likely overcome any obstacles in front of him. I tortured myself hoping that bad things would happen to the Lakers while Kobe proved that bad things rarely happen to those who push themselves as he did.
I’ve never loved rooting against someone as much as I loved rooting against Kobe Bryant. And if that isn’t the highest form of respect and admiration, then I don’t know what is.
RIP Kobe. As someone who was never your biggest fan, I’ll sorely miss you.
Doing something a bit different with this section this week. I spent a massive part of the last 10 days watching tennis at the Australian Open - I calculated that I logged 55 hours at matches in person, and another 25+ watching the tournament play out on TV. So the likes/dislikes/musing will be thoughts about the tournament and about tennis in general. Enjoy! For those who don’t like sports or tennis, I think there will still be some enjoyable stuff.
Five Australian Open-Related Things Joe Likes
1) Tennis is fire: my thoughts
Tennis is fire. I may be a bit biased with this take - I’ve recently learned to play the sport myself and really enjoy it, and I’ve married into a family where tennis is, quite literally, life.
So let me try to explain one way in which tennis is fire while attempting to remove all forms of bias from the reasons why.
In its most popular format (singles competition), tennis is pretty much the only sport where you can observe two competitors facing off with each other and with their own mental demons in public view. Seriously, what other sports have this? Maybe boxing, but holy hell is boxing violent, and you usually have to pay boatloads to watch boxing on pay-per-view once a month. Golf occasionally is like this, such as when Tiger Woods is paired with an innocent young challenger in the final pairing on Sunday of the Masters. Fencing? Lol.
Tennis always entails two competitors laying it all out on the line for all to see. You see all of their mistakes. You get some insight into their mental makeup. It’s kind of like a Gladiator match-up in a weird sort of way, and it’s pretty darn cool.
2) Tennis ball kids
Tennis ball kids are the real MVPs of tennis tournaments.
These kids: A) wear the funniest little outfits all tournament long, including the corniest most swagless hats of all time, B) don’t get paid, and C) do nothing but scurry around the court all day and throw balls from one side of the court to the other.
And yet…….ball kids are fire. Despite all of the above bullet points, they pour their freaking hearts into their craft. They lay it all out there and typically make some serious web gems out on the court. Serious SportsCenter Top 10 material can be found by tracking ball kids all match long. They’re there with whatever these prissy tennis players need. Another ball for your second serve? You got it. A towel to wipe your face for the twelfth time in the last four minutes? Sure.
These kids also work HARD. At a match this week, I saw a ball boy rocking knee braces on BOTH of his knees doing the ball kid kneel next to the net. Kid was clearly hampered out there yet you think he complained? Not a chance. This ball boy knew that there was a job that needed to get done, and goddamit was he going to do it.
3) Tennis WAGs
Tennis WAGs (wives and girlfriends) are a whole lengthy conversation topic in their own right.
It’s not rocket science. The best tennis players in the world are extremely fit. This level of fitness raises their level of attractiveness. The best tennis players in the world also make a large amount of money. Their level of wealth also raises their level of attractiveness. It’s really not a complicated equation.
But the outputs are astounding! Rafael Nadal’s wife is beautiful. Novak Djokovic’s wife is beautiful. Semifinalist Alexander Zverev recently started dating some German supermodel named Brenda Patea. Top 10 players Gael Monfils and Elina Svitolina are dating. World number 8 player Matteo Berrettini is dating WTA player Ajla Tomljanovic. Caroline Wozniacki is married to former NBA All-Star David Lee (yep, you’re a WAG now David). Serena Williams caught herself the co-founder of a little company called Reddit, Alexis Ohanian.
It’s all great fun, and it’s a side spectator sport to take part in at these tournaments.
Tennis WAGs bring the heat. Only golf WAGs can compete for the WAG title.
4) Fabio Fognini
I love Fabio Fognini.
There are many obvious reasons why a guy like me would like Fabio Fognini, including:
He’s Italian
He’s really good at tennis
His first name is “Fabio”
His full name is “Fabio Fognini”
In a sport that a lot of casual sports fans might dismiss as boring, Fabio is anything but. He has a habit of flipping out on court and going through many mood changes during the course of a single match. The guy is electric.
Here are a couple of Fabio anecdotes from my time at the Australian Open. On the morning of his 4th round match against Tennys Sandgren, Fabio walked by a group of middle-aged women who appeared as though they worked for the Australian Open or in some sort of official capacity. He winked at them, then went “Hey ladies” and kept walking. Fabio is married (to former US Open champ Flavia Pennetta) with a young son. But Fabio was just being Fabio.
Later that same day, I watched in person as Fabio took on Sandgren. Early in the match, things were not going his way and he was pissed off. He received a warning for taking too much time to serve. He then asked for a medical timeout to bandage his bleeding hand (which was bleeding because he had punched through his racket in frustration earlier in the tournament). He then lost a game on his serve, decided he needed to change t-shirts, and took his shirt off before walking off the court. The umpire docked him a point for unsportsmanlike conduct.
Long live Fabio.
5) Official cocktails at the Grand Slam tournaments
Each Grand Slam tennis tournament seems to have its own signature cocktail. So, thus far I’ve been able to have more than my fair share of three official major tournament drinks while watching tennis matches take place:
The Honey Deuce (basically a super tasty vodka lemonade) at the US Open
Pimm’s Cup at Wimbledon
and now, the Aperol Spritz at the Australian Open
Whatchu got for me, French Open?
One Australian Open-Related Thing Joe Dislikes
1) It’s been a lot of Billie Eilish, you guys
Billie Eilish is clearly an “it” thing these days - she won Best Song, Best Album, Best Record, and Best New Artist at the Grammy’s for crying out loud. I get that little Billie is very en vogue at the moment.
But hot damn has there been a lot of Billie Eilish at the Australian Open. Kia seems to be the premier sponsor of the tournament, and here is their commercial that has been running on TV almost every commercial break. During changeovers at matches, a brief Kia ad runs in each stadium that plays “bad guy.” The other night, I was walking home after tournament play had concluded for the day. We passed a rooftop bar that was blasting music loudly. The song that was playing? You guessed it - “bad guy.”
So you’re a tough guy, like it really rough guy, just can’t get enough guy.
duh.
This is about the only thing I don’t like about the Australian Open or about tennis in general.
One Australian Open-Related Musing
This is not so much a humorous musing as it is a reflection on the harsh realities of professional tennis for the vast majority of players. While the most successful players may be racking up the prize money and living the good life, the tennis tour grind is hardly glamorous for others.
In the past, I’ve been fooled into thinking that a good Major run for one player means that particular player is “breaking out.” In reality, that’s hardly the case - it takes much more consistent success than one tournament to “make it.” A number of players who broke through to the third or fourth round of the Australian Open are now playing “Challenger” tournaments in places as far away as Newport Beach, Tasmania, or Uruguay. And it takes consistent results at all of these random tournaments to reach a level of financial securement and stability.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not feeling sorry for these athletes who get to play the sport that they love and make a living out of it - it’s just an interesting reflection on the realities of a seemingly-seductive lifestyle.
Three Songs Joe Recommends This Week
1) Black Pumas - Colors
Usually, I think the Grammy’s are pretty trash. I disagree with who wins most awards and with the nominees in general, and I typically don’t even tune in to the show. This year, I have to thank the Grammy’s for introducing me to a new artist, Black Pumas. They were nominated for Best New Artist at this year’s awards. Billie Eilish won, but props to the crew who got this group some much-deserved publicity
2) Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
Yesterday morning, I didn’t set my alarm when I went to bed. I woke up at 12:15 pm and felt like a big sleepyhead and thought of this song. Luckily, it’s a very good song and so I decided to share it here.
3) Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)
Yesterday while at a late lunch after being a big sleepyhead, the power went out at my restaurant and down the whole city block. The situation reminded me of this song. Luckily, it’s a very good song and so I decided to share it here.
Alright folks, another Digesta down. Make sure to keep yelling out “Kobe!” when shooting trash into the bin.
Lovingly,
Joey